Can’t stop thinking about them? Maybe it’s a soul tie
Confession: I’ve intensely battled a soul tie before. The irony? I was never even with this person. Not properly, anyway. The handful of intimate moments we shared were burned into my brain like a stamp that I felt was never going to disappear. He literally made me feel some sort of electricity and aliveness inside of me that I had never felt before…. and I felt like I knew him, or I HAD to know him, even though I literally hardly knew this man at all. The truth? He was really just a reflection of every crux and climax of every avoidant, non committal, gorgeous charismatic man that I had ever met before in my life….. but even if you can consciously understand that, he definitely lived rent-free in my mind for a while afterwards. Our connection felt very, very intense. I would think about them constantly. Replay conversations. Obsess over the concept of what if. What if they chose me? Did it feel as good for them as it did for me? What if I’d been enough? What if things had been different? What if this life we had continued on the same journey together?
But my path in this lifetime wasn’t meant to be with them. And instead, they sent me off on a journey of self discovery and into a journey of true, healthy, balanced, partnership and love… exactly like they were always meant to.
I eventually broke this soul tie through my own somatic work (keep scrolling for the rituals that I created as a result) - though at the time, I couldn’t find any chord cutting rituals that really felt powerful enough, so I made my own (they’re linked at the bottom of this blog). But the more work I did, finally I started to understand that this person was just meant to cross my path to remind me of my old patterns and to show me how far I have grown. More and more, people are starting to talk about limerence, obsession, and how those loops tie back to unresolved trauma, attachment ruptures and nervous system dysregulation. But here’s the thing: hardly anyone is talking about soul ties. About the invisible cords that can tether us to someone long after the relationship - or the almost-relationship - is over - and how these can keep you stuck in cycles thinking of someone you were never even meant to be with.
So, today, let’s get clear on what a soul tie really is - how it can connect you to others, affect you for a long time after your initial connection, and hold you back from when you’re going. I’ll also share how it can siphon your life force, distract you from your purpose, and keep you on paths you were never meant to stay on and most of all, how to break free from it so you can move forward and stop thinking about that damn person (god, it’s irresistible isn’t it).
What Is a Soul Tie?
A soul tie is like an energetic cord, think like an invisible thread that links your body, physical, emotional, energetic and spiritual, to another person’s. I always like to describe it like Wi-Fi: you don’t see the signals between your phone and the router, but the connection is there, transferring energy, data, and attention back and forth silently with zero lag, delay or response time, constantly, an ever, ongoing connection that cant be seen but continues until the day you unplug the router and cancel the contract and move to a new neighbourhood.
Soul ties can develop through:
Intimate connection. Physical intimacy is one of the most powerful gateways too creating energetic chords and ties. Sex is often described as sacred energy exchange because it merges not only bodies, but energy, nervous systems, hormones, and energetic fields.
Emotional engagement. Deep conversations and shared vulnerability that open our throat and heart chakra create ties just as strongly as physical intimacy because in these moments we felt seen and heard for exactly who we are. And this? Is one of the most healing, high, validating experiences of all time. Realizing that someone is interested in us, for who we are, and what we have to say, It can become addictive.
Conflict and obsession. Soul ties don’t always grow from love either. Strong emotions like jealousy, resentment, or even unspoken envy can create energetic threads too. Someone doesn’t need to be close to you for their energy to hook into yours if their focus is charged and persistent - and this is why often you can’t let go of people because of your constant internal loops of ‘what if’ which are really just recurrent and repetitive patterns that loop the loop until you stop the loop. (And remember, the more something loops, the deeper neural pathways are laid down that support that loops ability to loop_).
Spiritual or ancestral patterns. Some ties aren’t even created in this lifetime. They can be karmic echoes - vows, betrayals, or unresolved contracts from the past (past lives that you shared together) or imprints carried through your family line, too.
How Does A Soul Tie Function
When the tie is healthy (like family, friends, supportive loved ones): it expands you, uplifts you, and makes you feel safe, seen, heard and understood. These can help you accelerate on your path to who you are meant to be, and where you are meant to go.
When the tie is unhealthy: it takes your intention, your intention, and drains you, keeps you looping, and stops you from fully moving on and applying your life force, focus, attention and intention to other areas of your life or self which could be developing to elevate you onto the next timeline, journey or path of your life.
The Science Behind Soul Ties
Soul ties are not just spiritual metaphor. For many they might sound woo woo (I refuse to use that derogatory word) but modern biology and neuroscience are starting to back this up, too. Here are some of the most interesting scientific-rooted factors to understand as to how spiritual soul ties may be a real biological and scientific experience.
Every cell in your body vibrates with energy. Science has proven that each cell carries an energetic field, constantly in motion. This means you are not still or static — you are vibrating at all times. Your body is quite literally an energy system, radiating and receiving signals, which helps explain why connections with others can feel so magnetic, overwhelming, or hard to let go of.
Consciousness may extend beyond the brain. Studies of mystical experiences and near-death encounters show brain activity that doesn’t fit ordinary patterns as the body heads towards death. In fact, more than a dozen regions light up at once, including areas tied to joy and transcendence. Researchers like Mario Beauregard have concluded these states can’t be explained by normal brain function alone, pointing instead to a non-physical dimension of being that aligns with the ancient idea of the soul.
Our Body Keeps the Score. Trauma and emotional experiences aren’t just “in your head”… they imprint into your body (which IS your subconscious mind). This is why your nervous system, your cells retain the memories of things that were ‘too much, too fast, too soon’ or ‘not enough, for too long’. Old wounds, feelings and emotions can get activated and can resurface when you encounter someone who feels familiar or who triggers old rooms.
Our Heart’s Magnetic Fields Impact Each Other. The heart generates the strongest electromagnetic field in the body, measurable several feet away. Research shows that heart rhythms can synchronize between people - meaning your body, your heart rate and your entire existance is literally influenced by theirs.
Our Nervous Systems Co-Regulate. Human beings nervous systems connect and communicate through autonomic co-regulation. Research shows that in close relationships, heart rate variability (HRV), breathing patterns, and even brain wave activity can synchronize between individuals. What this means is that when you are with someone who feels safe, your body starts to calm. Conversely, someone’s dysregulated nervous system can equally dysregulate us and make us feel stressed out, or apprehension or even depressed. Our nervous systems are always talking.
Energetic Entanglement Is Real. These things don’t just happen when we are together, though. In quantum physics, particles that were once connected remain entangled, meaning the state of one affects the other even when they’re apart. The same is true for emotional, spiritual, and somatic intimacy. This is why you might think of someone just before they call, or feel them thinking of you, or “know” when you’re about to bump into them. These aren’t coincidences — they are quantum signals transmitted through energetic connection. The connection is the tunnel that allows these sensations and intuitive feelings to cross back and forth between the pair.
Plus, your Fascia Remembers. Your body is covered in fascia - a collagen-rich, water-dense matrix that connects every cell. Fascia communicates biochemically and electrically, storing memory in the body. This is how the body “keeps the score,” holding experiences as memories in tissues long after the mind has moved on.
So, put simply: we aren’t just people in isolation. We’re nervous systems, brain functions, energy fields, and magnetic beings, constantly interacting and imprinting on one another. This is the scientific underpinning of soul ties.
Soul Ties Beyond This Lifetime
Equally, some bonds feel instant, intense, and impossible to explain - as if they extend far beyond our nervous systems, energy fields, or heart rates interacting in the here and now. Spiritually, these can be known as karmic soul ties - relationships carried forward through lifetimes. They are often connected to vows and promises we once made to this person, as well as old betrayals and unresolved pain. In the spiritual world, it is believed we reincarnate with a soul family in each lifetime, and that someone who may have been a lover in one life could return in another as the one who hurts us. In the same vein, many believe energy doesn’t end with one lifetime - it rolls forward, carrying lessons, imprints, and unfinished stories across time and space.
One widely held belief in the spiritual world is that each individual we meet is here to activate something within us, to awaken us, or to unravel a new part of who we are. These past-life connections are why some relationships feel heavier than logic can explain — and why you may feel “crazy” sharing them with others who can’t understand how someone you’ve only just met could feel so significant. Soul ties are layered with history that transcends this lifetime, and if you feel it in your body, it is real — biologically, spiritually, and emotionally. They live within us as energy, charged and alive, waiting to be acknowledged.
Signs You May Have a Soul Tie:
You felt something from the very first moment you met this person. When you met them, there was an undeniable spark, a pull, a connection that you couldn’t explain. Even if the relationship never panned out the way you imagined (or didn’t pan out at all), your system registered it as significant with the potential to be something REALLY REAL, right from the start. You felt it in your body and you were excited as fuck about it.
You feel as if you have met them before - things were easy when you spoke with them. There was a child like excitement or a deep knowing in your body that something was going to happen here.
The connection feels intense - even if it doesn’t make sense. You may not even know them that well, but the bond feels inexplicably deep, like you know them, or you need to know them. Logic says otherwise (’um, they’re a stranger’), but your body says, this is different.
You feel magnetically drawn to them. Even if you logically know they aren’t good for you, the energetic pull feels almost impossible to resist, as though something larger than you is at play.
They’re always somewhere close to the back of your mind. You can’t stop thinking about them, no matter how much time has passed or how much you try to distract yourself. They pop up in your head the middle of your day, in moments of silence, and even in your body’s sensations.
They show up everywhere. In your dreams, in flashes of memory, or in sudden waves of emotion that don’t seem to belong to you. Sometimes you even feel their energy without them being physically present.
You sense their energy despite not being with them. You “know” when they’re thinking of you, when they’re upset, or when they’re about to reach out - without a word being exchanged.
You keep asking “what if?” You find yourself wondering if they’re your person, even when their actual behavior shows you they aren’t showing up in the way you need or deserve.
Your body reacts to them. When they text, you feel euphoric, lit up, and alive. When they pull away, you crash — heavy, anxious, or physically drained. Your nervous system feels like it’s on a rollercoaster you can’t get off.
Strange synchronicities keep happening. You sense them before they call, or bump into them “by accident.” You might think of them and suddenly get a message. These coincidences feel like more than coincidence — like the connection has its own magnetic pull.
You compare everyone else to them. Even when you meet new people, they’re still the invisible benchmark you measure others against. No one seems to feel “enough” next to the intensity of this tie.
You struggle to move on. No matter how much time, therapy, or distance, the bond feels alive — like there’s still an open loop your system hasn’t closed.
You feel like you have ‘unfinished business’. Even if you barely dated, or it ended long ago, there’s a lingering sense of incompleteness. Like the story never fully closed - because on an energetic level, it hasn’t.
How Soul Ties Affect Your Life Force
The thing about soul ties and chordings is that a soul tie is like leaving a door open in your energetic field. Your energy flows out, theirs flows in and travels between the chording connection that exists between the pair of you. So, this is all good if this is a reciprocated, loving, high vibrational (not a fan of that term) connection. But if their frequency is less than you or if they are sad, angry, depressed, lethargic or more, their emotions and energy can impact you - and if you keep thinking about them ALL OF THE TIME? That has a real impact on you.
Soul ties don’t just steal your attention, they siphon your energy, re-direct your life force, distract you from your purpose, and keep you from stepping into your power because they have you looking in a direction that isn’t the one that is usually your highest timeline.
Those Vulnerable to Soul Ties
Releasing a soul tie isn’t about pretending the bond never existed. It’s about seeing it, acknowledging it, asking what it came here to teach you, then closing the energetic loop and reclaiming your energy - while sealing the pathways shut and learning to strengthen your energetic boundaries so the soul tie does not keep returning (which it can do for many, many years until you learn to master cultivating your energy and stepping into your self worth).
Healing a soul tie comes with really truly understanding that this person came here, in this lifetime, to teach you sometime. And some people teach us through being with us, and others teach us by hurting us or leading us. Ultimately, they act as a mirror for your wounds. Spiritually, they reflect back to you the parts of yourself you haven’t healed - your shame, abandonment, your deep longing for love/connection or self-worth wounds.
This can often feel deeply challenging for those of us who carry low self-worth, fragile self-esteem, or a shame wound. We feel that this person is the ‘answer to all of our problems’ and if they could just ‘be with us’ or ‘be near us’ that everything will be okay.
The reason is simple: when we don’t believe we are inherently worthy, or we struggle with self-esteem or shame, we can be silently, or even unconsciously, desperate to be loved, seen, and chosen. That desperation makes us vulnerable to the energy and attention of others - even when it isn’t in our highest interest and this leads to us having energetically ‘weak’ boundaries and opening ourselves up for it to be easier for others to connect onto us or hook into us.
But here’s the shift: when we begin to heal the shame wound, build a self of self and self connection and dissolve the old belief that we are unlovable or “not enough,” something powerful happens. We stop outsourcing validation and start generating it within. Our nervous system no longer aches for external regulation from unsafe bonds. It starts to see people as lessons and teachers - coming to show us where we are weak, where we are vulnerable and where we are accepting something that is ‘less than’. Over time, with practice and somatic rituals, our energetic boundaries become stronger. And in that strength, soul ties that once felt unbreakable begin to loosen because the part of us that needed them has finally healed.
Healing a Soul Tie
The ways I’ve found most powerful that worked for me are:
Energetic trauma release (clearing the charge and memories from the body).
Somatic healing and shaking (to literally discharge the stored energy and memory of them out of my cells and fascia).
Soul tie rituals (visualizations, cord-cutting, and energy sealing).
Subconscious rewiring (so you stop recreating the same pattern again and again and can open up space for your body, conscious and subconscious, to believe that new is possible).
All of these practices are rooted in:
Identifying the wound that made us susceptible in the first place
Learning how to actually shift our own energy on a body, mind, and energy level
Learning how to predict energy back into yourself
Setting energetic boundaries and cutting chords.
Instead of unconsciously sending your life force toward someone else, you consciously choose to reclaim it. You don’t need to know which past life you shared with them, or what they came to teach you on this lifetime, you just need to admit that it is time to move forward now, without them constantly taking your energy.
Alongside somatic rituals, words become part of the medicine. Because energetic commands and spoken words act like spells - they carry intention, vibration, and direction. When you declare “I release this tie,” you’re not just saying it; you’re sending an energetic command through your nervous system, your cells, and out into your energetic field (and don’t forget, your angels, your guides and your masters are all there waiting to help you if you just ask them!)
Your Next Step
It took me many years to figure this out. When I was trying to heal, I couldn’t find rituals that worked - so I made my own. I have created a:
Soul Tie Cutting Walk – A 25 minute guided walking ritual that blends movement, breathwork, and energetic visualization. Step by step, you’ll release the cords holding you back, reclaim the energy you’ve been leaking, and feel the freedom in your body as you literally walk yourself into a new chapter.
Soul Tie Cutting Meditation – A 15 minute deep, somatic meditation designed to help you visualize, acknowledge, and sever the ties that are draining you. This practice helps you call your power back, seal your energy field, and create the kind of closure your nervous system has been craving. Do it in the morning or before you sleep.
Soul Tie Energy Activation – A 5 minute high-frequency practice that resets your energy body. Think of it as an energetic “flush” — clearing out old imprints, strengthening your boundaries, and activating your field so you become magnetic to what’s truly aligned for you.
These are the exact practices I needed so many years ago. You’ll know if these are for you - because you won’t be able to stop thinking about them and you wont know how else to move forward.
Now, I show you how.
